I like my sex mixed with concussions.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
