We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
