Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
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