idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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