The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Someone signed my nipple.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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