I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
