I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
did you just send me my own nude
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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