hotel room ftw
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
