but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Randomize
