Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
