I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
