I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
