My friends, they love my intelligence
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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