Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
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