the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
