Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
she pinky promised me she was 18
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
