If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Randomize
