My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
