I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
