two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
