Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
