roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
