In the future we'll all be gay
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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