Betty ford says i'm here all night
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
