I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
