I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
