I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize