imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
