Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
