Are we in a gay sports bar?
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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