This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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