Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
