We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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