considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
