hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
