Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
