I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
