why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
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These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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