Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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