im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
