Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
