New low: just hacked my moms facebook
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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