I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
