good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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