dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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