dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
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