White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
