I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
