I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
