I think im going to throw up on grandma
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
