Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
