No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Every concussion has its silver lining
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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