I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
