I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
