we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
