I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
