My underwear smells like fireworks.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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