I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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