Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
