I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
