is your mom at the bar?
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
