I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
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