you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Someone signed my nipple.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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