You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
