I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
