Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
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i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
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I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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