i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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