he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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