i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
