I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
