After last night, I could never be a politician.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Houston, we have a squirter
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Couch. On fire.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
