she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
