my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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