You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
