Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
