i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Randomize
