i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
