I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Randomize
